Legend of Skunk Ape

East Texas swampy ground
Large footprint is all they found
With a big huge pile of crap                                                                                                             And some hairs where something big had napped
Bigfoot couldn’t understand
Skunk Ape was a peaceful man
Heart as big as the Canyon Grand
His snoring was just too much to stand

So high up in the Oregon Hills
Bigfoot moved to get his thrills
Splashing in the creek all day
Just out of the camera’s way

Skunk Ape couldn’t understand
Bigfoot was a peaceful man
Patience long as the Rio Grande
His gas was just too much to stand
Though some would say it was in poor taste
When Skunk Ape ripped one in his face
Dividing up their primate race
But Sasquatch really need their space
Northwest in the muddy ground
Large footprint is all they found
And a big huge pile of crap                                                                                                         Some hairs where something big had napped….

Neither one a harmful thing would say                                                                                           About each other to this day                                                                                                             That’s how they want it to stay                                                                                           Diplomacy the Sasquatch way

 

Beware of the Toothless Rooster

Listen up little children, you all better beware
The toothless rooster is coming, and he’s gonna give you more than a scare
He saw you yesterday evening at that place with the big M
And every time you buy a six-piece, he’s one step closer to his revenge

His baby brother got McMuffin’d, from a miss-sort with the eggs
His uncle made it to Perdue, where they cut off both his legs
His Grand-Mamma she got Cordon Blue’d and Gran-Daddy was Colonel Fried
His pappy served in Vietnam with roast taters by his side

So, 4 years ago he flew his coop to study Poultry Dentistry
And graduated Summa Cumme Laude with a doctorate degree
He’s hatching up one helluva plan so you all you children better beware
The toothless rooster is coming, and he’s gonna give you more than just a scare

So while you’re dunking up his kin-folk and your knuckle deep in BBQ
Take a glance over your left shoulder, because he’s probably watching you
He saw you slurp down all your soda, and munch up every fry
Then throw 4 nuggets out the window cause all you wanted was that damn prize

He’s mass producing chicken dentures with all the cheap plastic that he finds
And all those toys thrown in the trash, shine like golden arches in his eyes
He’s made enough to tooth-ify every fowl from here to Timbuktu
This rooster won’t always be toothless and then he’s coming after you

Listen up little children, you all better beware
The toothless rooster is coming, and he’s gonna give you more than just a scare
He saw you yesterday evening at that place with the big M
Each time you get a 6-piece, you make a rooster grin!

Battle of the Alarm Clock

Wednesday morning seems to me

The longest morning that could be

The sun won’t show her light today

The clouds hang low as if to say

 

“Sleepy soul go back to bed

With a weary heart lay down your head

Your troubled rest will bring you peace

Just close your eyes for sweet release”

 

But I the martyr awake instead

And slowly crawled out of my bed

Alarm clock beckoning to start the day

With its shrill cry I hear it say

 

“Sleepy soul awake from your dream

Your day is new or so it seems

The excitement, the journey of starting again

A new day has come so let it begin!”

 

But I, time’s martyr will argue instead

And smack Mr. Alarm Clock upside the head

His snooze is still sore from yesterday’s battle

His annoying chime reduced to a rattle

 

“Oh teller of time, you will not rule me!

I’ll not be governed by your philosophy

I’ll awaken when ready, and start a new day

I will never let you have your own way!”

 

“You’ve disrupted my slumber all these long years

The lost joy and happiness brings me to tears

In the land of my dreams I prefer to stay

Your incessant cry will not pull me away!”

 

So back into sleep, I quickly fell

To the valley of dreams in a transient spell

Mr. Alarm had said nothing more….but why?

In his quiet rebuttle wasted minutes passed by

 

 

 

 

Charlie the Blind Cow

Written by Ben Brashear

Proluge: Charlie was a real cow and he was blind and a gentle soul.  Dad lived on a farm for a while near where the Embarrass (sometimes pronounced Am-braw) River in Southern Illinois and gave Charlie a home there.  Around four acres of sprawled space with a pasture and a sturdy house on a hill overlooking the flood plains. Sometimes in the winter the water shelf would rise up into the fields running along both sides of long gravel lane so high that we’d have the best ice skating rink any kids could ever hope to have.  I know it must have been a risk for farmers to plant very much in those fields in front of dad’s place.  But things would grow just the same.  Waters rose and receded.  Things thrived and that place out away from the noise of town is rich with stories in the backwaters of my mind.

 

“Merry Christmas To All”, were nearly Charlie’s final words

The blind cow in the truck, taken far from his close herd

His family knew well that this Christmas time would have no cheer

Charlie would give his life, for roast beef washed down with beer

The sheep in the barn awaiting, bayed softly on that night

A tribute to their friend, softly lit by candle’s light

The deer in the field strayed close, now nearer to the road

A row of all to see Charlie as the farmer prepared the load

His family knew dairy cows of the herd rarely found this fate

The farmer in the back now, just closing up the truck’s gate

If Old Charlie could only see, with eyes, what friends he had in life

For his heart was stout and true, and he bore no fear this night

The chickens heard the roar of the engine’s lonely moan

The rooster let aloud a mournful “Crrrock-a-crrrock-a-croan”

Inside the house was brightly lit, a tree filled all in light

Outside, in the dark, a small Ford truck now driving out of sight

Charlie was a cow who cared for every single leaf and tree

He treasured life, despite no sight, for in his heart he could see

He remembered the soft blades of grass, the smell of fresh mown hay

A lifetime full of friends stood by, as Charlie went away

The deer ran quickly in front of the truck, tires squealing in the night

The farmer cursing loudly, many deer now in his sight

The chickens pecked out from their pens, soared bravely through the air

Two bulls stomped quickly through the fence, charged bravely as a pair

The farmer caught now by surprise, Charles’ friends gathering in a sphere

A lifetime full of close companions to witness the farmer’s fear

The lead bull drew close, about to speak, as animals can do this night

For it was Christmas Eve at 12 and Charlie was granted his sight

He saw the snow fall softly, watched his friends defend his life

He saw his father in the field, grown old and full of strife

He looked upon the barn, where many summers he had passed

He watched his mother’s hopeful tears, her eyes now turned to glass

But last of all he saw the farmer, sensed fear within his heart

He knew that this was the final chance, his freedom to depart

He could not help but see the cuts the farmer bore upon his hands

How many days the farmer walked the fields and tended to the land

“What strife the human bore in life to provide me with a home

We all should understand his sacrifice, his family all alone

The days have passed and in winters long in dark nights he would come

And fill our stalls with summer’s hay, humbly tending to all work is done”

“What days have we gone without food? I remember not a one

What times have I blindly stumbled, broken legs not solved with a gun

He cared for me and call old Doc Vaps, patched me up without a knife

Again through fields, though blindly stumbling like we all do in this life”

Charlie and the farmer understood, not a life would end tonight

An exchange of smiles for all who stood in such magical moonlight

We live with friends who really understand our perils and our pain

Even when we feel alone, with no life’s joy to gain

So let’s celebrate this Christmas with much more joy and lots of cheer

And hold our families close to our heart, let fall each happy tear

Let’s understand our place in this world, the part we all must play

To lead a life from start to end, as if our final day